For anyone who really cares for any reason that I may offer for my absence, my alarm clock didn't go off, plain and simple. I set it for 3:50a.m., slept, and woke up at 5:15. By that time, I already knew it was too late and went back to sleep. That's the honest truth, and I'm OK with it as long as both God and I know it.
So why do I still feel horrible? Well, subtract the fact that I promised Anna that I would be at the airport, and subtract the fact that Joan and Austin were both looking out for me, I feel terrible because of all people who deserved support, Anna should have been the one. She has been nothing--and I mean nothing--but spectacular to me, and how do I show my appreciation; my gratitude? That's why I feel so horrible...
Hands...understand that I feel utterly evil. Please know that I never meant to not show up, and that it was of circumstances that were beyond my control. Please know that had circumstances been any different, I would've made it up to the airport--God knows that was my intent. I had set the alarm clock, but for some odd reason, it didn't go off. It's my fault entirely, however, because I knew I had a faulty alarm clock, and being the procrastination king that I am, I've neglected to replace it (I still don't have a new one). The circumstances surrounding my absence was beyond me, but I still could have prevented it, and for that I'm sorry. For letting you down, I'm sorry. For neglecting you and Joan and others the week before you left, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt either of you...
Now I'm stuck with nothing left to do. I'm definitely going to call her and try to win her forgiveness; if I don't, I'll completely understand. What eases the pain, however, is knowing that she isn't gone forever. I know that in December of this year she'll return, and it'll be then that I make it up to her...I've got to make it up to her.
Hands, you have no idea how horrible I feel. If and when you do read this, please know that I am heartfully sorry, and that I never wanted to hurt you. And I know I hurt you....I know this. With all this aside, I wish you and your family the best, and I will keep all of you--especially your step-father--in my prayers. I'll continue to check your blogs, so if you do find access to the internet, please update. Again, my sincerest apologies...
